Lots of stuff...

Just back from a long weekend with Nick to Acadia National Park.  Simply stunning.  Words will degrade the experience. There is something about taking a 13 year old up a 1,000 sheer cliff with not much more than iron rungs between you and eternity to wake up your soul. Hearing my son cal out, as we closed up to the summit.. "Dad, I love you, AND I hate you..." was priceless. As was him telling me all about sharing his feat with his brother.  Life changing stuff for a kid.  he was funny after the first extreme climb.  We had a trail map the divided the trails by degree of difficulty. He grabbed a pen and started circling the tough rails for our next climb. Great kid. I am blessed. 

The Precipice

Otter Cliffs

Beehive Trail

We spend days hiking The Precipice, the Beehive, and lots of cliff climbing along the shores. 

Suffice to say, it was amazing. The red rock cliffs are reminiscent of Sedona. If you could imagine Sedona meeting the ocean, you might be close.  Even that is an understatement.  More pics to follow.

Tomorrow, Sarah and I fly to the West to hike in Utah for a couple days.  Plans include Zion national Park, Arches National Park and pretty much anything else we see along the way.

Random stuff...

# I tested out at a nice 77 last week. My doc calls my diabetes "well-controlled". I cal it gone. (she is most likely more right than i, though...)

# Night riding is such a blast.  Me, lots of lights on my bike, the sound of crickets in the night, and watching the moon rise are experiences not to miss.

# Hmmm..... if I never got sick, and subsequently super-healthily, none of this would have revealed itself.  Chew on that.

# While riding today, it hit me... I spend about as much time on a bike as i did in front of my fridge in a past life. I prefer the bike.

# Had a few days struggling with calorie-creep. I jumped up to 173 and panicked. Yes, there is still fear.  Over a year and a half later, and the fear can creep in.  Two words- constant vigilance. I picked up the biking for a couple days at 40 miles + a day, cut back on my calories just a bit, and today found me back at 169.

# Sarah shared this week that I have changed. She called me a "different being" Not sure if I like that. But she (like my doc) is right.  

# I still have a Fat Picture on my fridge. Don't know him anymore.

Early flight to catch.  That's it for tonight.

WOW.  

I did something today I've not done since I was a kid.  Last weekend, I made the decision to take the plunge.  Yup. I did it.  I finally broke down and bought a light set for my bike.

I need to share that I stalled for a couple of days as I had a bit of apprehension about night riding.

Well, my apprehension has gone the way of other ungrounded fears.  Though a bit of a thrill-seeker, I am a closet conservative. That being said, I set a few 'rules' for myself. No MP3 player, no busy streets, and tonight I committed to a short after dark ride.

What an experience.  My familiar day roads took on an entirely new feel at night.  Oddly, I felt more visible to cars in the dark as I was decked out with both a flashing headlight and flashing tale light, with an off "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" glow about me as I pedaled onward.

Watching the moon play peek-a-boo behind some clouds, listening the roar of the crickets, and startling a poor bunny defined the ride.  It was quite peaceful.  I have never been fond of winter. Short days, long nights and cold are not my idea of fun.  it did hit me, though, that I am no longer restricted like before.  I am feeling a new freedom.  Go figure.

Oh, I checked my sugar tonight for the first time in a few weeks.  I was a most wonderful 77. Nice number, nice ride. Life is gonna be OK.

Three words-- CHRONIC PAIN SUCKS.

An MRI 14+ years ago after a 'back incident' showed spinal arthritis, a couple bulging disks, arthritis.  14 years of carrying extra weigh certainly don't help.  It's been five weeks since I pulled my back out. Though I've had a few days of low grade only pain, it's been tough.  Just like when I was first diagnosed with T2D, times like this I fall into the 'I should have made changes sooner" mode, and blame myself for the self abusive, over indigent, excess-Twinkie lifestyle.  Sure-- I 'didn't know what I didn't know', but I sure am paying the price now. 

TTSP. 

This Too Shall Pass.  ;-(

Weekend of heavy miles... 35 on Saturday, 47 on Sunday.  The one year anniversary of Chris' suicide is coming.  Amazing. Like silt stirred up on the bottom of a pond, memories are coming back... many good, many painful.  Going to keep a closer eye on my son as the date draws nearer. Life's most painful experiences can be our best teachers.  Nuff said there.

Warm week ahead according the the Talking Weather Heads. Great time to be in New England.

I suspect I'll be writing less in the summer. This is my time of year.... long days, long rides, camping, fun. 

Yesterday I biked 30+ miles- most of it in a nice warm rain.  Though passers-by looked at me oddly, I couldn't have been happier.

Today was 35+ miles at 84+degrees.  Call me odd, but I LOVE riding in the 80-90 degree range.  Plenty of water, shorts, and I'm on my way.

Dealing with huge physical pain.  I've a long history of back troubles, degenerative joint disease, a couple bulging disks, and add a bit of spinal arthritis to the mix and the recipe can lead to a bit of pain.

Thankfully, with my weight loss, the back episodes are fewer and far between. As nothing stronger than Motrin passes my lips, I deal as best I can, though the chronic nature of it can be mind-numbing.  The last couple days, I wanted the instant gratification and relief of unhealthy eating.  Diabetes is such a soul-sickness. I get sick, in part form a lifestyle of excesses.  When pain comes, I gravitate back to the excesses that got me sick in the first place.  Go figure.

This Too Shall Pass. 

Been busy staying healthy.  

Last week found me cycling up in VT.  What a treat.  Red barns, rolling meadows, small streams and BIG hills.  What a treat.

Big anniversary week this week.  it was 1 year ago this week that I hit my new target weight. I have kept the weight off for a year and stayed within a couple pounds of 170 since June 2007. Not sure how I feel about it. Kinda odd.  It's been allot of work, but ohhhh so worth it.

Crank the Kank Pics Are Posted>>>

There are some experiences in life that are degraded when described.  Yesterday was one of the most amazing days of my adult life. 

Close to 17 months ago, I was overweight and unhealthy. My vision was failing and my body was self destructing from glucose overload.  I was dieing a slow death and never even knew it. 

Yesterday found me completing my first ever competitive cycling event. Never one to be average, I chose an event well-known to be one of the toughest in the state of NH. Yesterday's 24th annual Crank the Kanc had a new participant- yours truly.

To offer a bit of perspective on the race- it's a 21 mile hill climb race to the summit of the Kancamagus Highway in the heart of the White Mountain National Forest. Starting in North Conway, the race route climbs steadily for 16 miles only to change dramatically as the last 5 miles are best described as Vertical Hell. A couple of folks asked me prior to the event if I had any idea as to the degree of difficulty. Biking 20 miles most every day, I knew I was in decent shape. 

Little did I know what I was in for.

My goals were threefold. First, I wanted to complete the event. Second, it was my hope to beat the 2 hour mark and lastly, I wanted to not be last place  in my age group. 

Crossing the finish line just before 11:00 AM at close to 3,000 feet above sea level, my time was 1 hour, 30 minutes. Better still, I was in the top one third of my age group.  Not bad for a true newcomer to a semi-professional cycling event.

The first fifteen to sixteen miles saw about a thousand foot vertical uphill transition passing rolling rivers and streams. I held back- well knowing that the last few miles would take all I had to to give. A couple of riders passed me.... and I passed several more. Life was good, the sun was out and I was smiling. Keeping my pace, without killing myself, I felt pretty good about the event. 

There is a stretch of road that is close to level at the 15 mile mark. At this point, you can literally look up and see the mountains looming in front of you. To my right, Mount Washington loomed with is snow covered peak... a not so gentle reminder that I "wasn't in Kansas anymore."

At mile 16, the real ascent started. The first mile or two of the Final Five were pretty uneventful. I passed several more cyclists including a couple that had passed me. Ever watchful in my Jeep, my honey and her daughter cheered me on at most every pull-off. Without this support, I would probably not have made it. Knowing that my mom and dad were up at 3,000' awaiting my finish helped drive me forward.

A well placed sign announced that three miles were left till the finish. The last three miles can best be described as torturous. I reached in and grabbed a handful of guts and kept pushing forward. Alternating between standing on my pedals for the added push, to setting in for a few easy strokes in my lowest gear, the hill was unrelenting. Feeling like Frodo climbing Mt. Doom, ready to cast the Ring into the Fires of Mordor, I pushed on. My body screamed at every passing minute. Just when I thought I could go no further, another burst of energy coursed through my veins. Tears and sweat. Sweat and tears- I pushed onward. My legs screamed out at the "2 miles to finish marker" that they were done. I shut off the body/mind connection and retreated deep into myself, the pain like a dream I was watching from afar and I pushed on. The next mile seemed to take days to pass, though my watch ticked off mere minutes. Anguish and pain. Heartbreak and sweat. And I pushed on.

I suspect most all of us have an inner strength we are unaware of. That inner reservoir of courage and determination to win that reveals itself only when fate and circumstance (and a really tough ride) calls for it to reveal itself. 

At the "1 Mile to Go" sign, everything changed. Gone was the fear. Gone was the anxiety. Swept away on a pure "will to win", I found the strength to offer up a small sprint to the finish. Crossing the finish line, my mom, dad and soul mate cheering me on, was indescribable. Awash with emotion, I took a moment to gaze into the valley below. I had conquered. The intent was never to be a top contender. The real race was against myself- I was my biggest competitor. I said a quiet prayer of thanks on shaky legs and joined up with my family again. 

What have I learned? 

I learned that you don't need to come in first to win. Yesterday I won.

I learned that family is precious. Nothing much matters without people close to you that love you unconditionally.

I learned that I have capabilities beyond when I could ever envision. 

I learned that it's OK to set your sights high- you just might make it

After catching my breath and regrouping for thirty minutes of so on top of the course, it was time to make our way back into civilization and out of the woods. I had two choices. I could have strapped my bike to the back of my Jeep and drive down.

Or...

I could take the ride of my life... down a couple thousand vertical feet on my bike. 

You know what else I learned?

I learned that soaring down a mountain at 45 mile per hour on a bicycle feels like riding in the front seat of the worlds most exciting roller coaster. 

And yes, I giggled most all the way down.

2008 Crank the Kanc Photos

I sit in stunned amazement tonight.

Tomorrow is my first competitive event.

A 21 mile bike race up to 3,000 feet in the mountains.

Three words: I am ready.

Wish me luck.

 D~

It's been close to 17 months since my diagnosis.  For the most part, I am settling into my new life.  There are times, however, that the prospect of "maintaining" for the rest of my life is simply overwhelming. 

Those who know me well know that I am predictably positive. But I need to share that I grow weary sometimes. The reality is this: staying healthy is allot of work. I am committed to my 1 hour + daily workout on my bike... and I've eaten enough freakin' lettuce in the last year to feed 1,000 bunnies for a lifetime. My poor fridge is a stronghold for carrots, and all kinds of fat-free, low carb, non-processed food. 

Yeah, I am a tad down today. I'd rather lay in the sun at lunch that ride... I'd rather have a burger for lunch than a salad... and Oh, oh oh.... to delight in regular chocolate is a well-kept secret.

Why do I share this? If you read more of my blog, you'll see that I move forward, day by day, pretty happily. But I also am a realist. No ever day is Christmas, nor Thanksgiving. All passes.  Even the strongest have weak moments. I'll read this post in a few months and smile.... cuz I will say something like... "it passed....." or 'you can't appreciate the sunshine without the showers"... you get the idea.

Saturday is my very first competitive  cycling event- ever.  21 miles uphill. Yeah, I gotz some fear kicking around.  Last year, I read an article about the event and thought, "I could NEVER do that". What a diff a year makes.

More later.  I need to get back to work.

Today was my second Tour de Cure. It's a tad after 9:30PM and I am more than a bit weary.

In the last 16 months, I have been on approximately 500 bike rides. That in itself is amazing. I have covered over 6,000 miles on my bike. Again - amazing.

Nothing could have prepared me for today.

I regularly ride 20-30 miles daily with ease.  My speed is a pretty consistent 17 MPH for this.  I am about as predictable as sunrise. I had expected today's event to be a 3 hour fun ride along the NH coast. First mistake- expecting anything!

The day dawned with a light drizzle and temps in the 40's. By mid-morning, the weather had deteriorated to a heavy rain with wind. Not ideal riding weather. As a perpetual optimist, I quipped early on with a few fellow rides that we were lucky it wasn't snowing, no lightning, etc, etc. 

Disaster stuck with 38 miles left on my rife.  I had a shift cable snap leaving me two options.  I could either call it a race, or push forward in high gear as shifting was rendered impossible. Never one to balk at a challenge, I rode on. Suffice to say, it was grueling. By mid AM, I was tired beyond description, my legs were shot and the rain and wind had pummeled the warmth out of me and all the other riders. A poorly marked course intersection found several of us taking a wrong turn- the net result changing my 50 mile trek into a 68 mile ordeal. In the rain, in the cold, minds numbed, all roads look alike on the NH coast. 

Weariness demands brevity tonight, but suffice to say, I completed the event in a bit over 4 hours. Entering the staging area after the event, it became quite clear how tough an event it really was.  Support drivers had spent the AM picking up riders suffering from hypothermia, 'space blankets' were wrapped around many of the riders who struggled to warm up... and most everyone had a tale to tell.

Funny thing about being an optimist- I am glad the day unfolded as it did. I discovered some new things about myself. I am a determined soul as I was willing to go to just about any lengths to complete the event. I am also in better shape that I realized as I was able to drive forward with truly Herculean effort to bang out almost 40 MILES in high gear. 

Not one to lose sight of the cause, I found a riding companion for my last 15 miles. It was nice to have someone to chat with to distract me from the pain. I suspect he felt the same. He as the captain of a team. Sadly, his entire team pulled a no-show because of the weather. He was a Team of One. At one point during our time shared on the road, he left me know that seven years ago, his dad died from complications of diabetes. 

I pedaled on in sullen silence for a mile or two. I am one of the lucky ones. I beat diabetes.  

In another day and age, it could have been my son riding in a similar event, sharing that he lost his dad to diabetes.  

Am I grateful? You bet ya!

WOW.  Time seems to have slipped away.  The Tour de Cure is this Sunday and my 1st competitive event is in 3 weeks.  Unbelievable how time flies. Last Saturday found me feeling a huge sense of physical, emotional and spiritual empowerment.  It was a jewel of a day in central NH as I hiked with 3 of my sons to the 2,200 summing of Mt. Percival.  It was a bit funny to watch my kids weary towards the end of the climb.. as I was ready to hike another mountain.  I LOVE being in shape. (Thank you Diabetes). After dropping off my 15 year old, i did what as only natural-- I biked for 20 plus miles. Go figure. Yesterday was the fist time in months I actually felt a little sore. So I took it easy for a slow 15 miler. Yes, everything has changed.  All is good. I need to jump on a bit of a fundraiser blitz as I want to double last years contribution to the ADA. Wish me luck! Off to Central FL for the rest of the week.  

Where to start.... Those who know me know that I have a passion for life... and love to have fun at the same time. Last night was.. well.. nothing short of one of the funnest times I think I've ever had-- ever.

My honey and I had tix to another Third Eye Blind show.  Unlike some of our other shows, this one was actually local. We took the 20 minute drive up to Manchester to the Southern NH University field house for the show. Never one to be patient in line, about 20 minutes into our wait, I nudged Sarah, asked for her camera, and trusted an odd hunch. 

A few minutes earlier, I had spotted the tour busses behind the field house. Camera in hand, I took the long way around, away from the thousand (or more) young kids in line, and began my trek 'round back. I have a bit of history with the Band and I am developing a couple of fan websites and have had a bit of email dialog with several band members.

Cruising around the back of the field house on foot, was I ever stunned to see Tony and Leo step from the tour bus to take she short walk to the back stage entrance.

"Hey Tony," I called out as I walked by.  Again, a bit of surprise here as he came up, asked me if we had met, and shook my hand. When I let him know that I was 'the web guy" he had been emailing with, the ice broke, and we had a nice little chat. As he and Leo started toward the stage entrance, and not wanting to wear out my welcome, I thanked him and asked for a quick picture. Surprise 2.0 came when he asked me to follow him an Leo into the building. Walking down the back hall, chatting away with both of them, the scene went from real to surreal in.. well, 2 heartbeats. As I've only had 3 hours sleep, exhaustion demands brevity tonight. The elevator version--- I was introduced by Tony to a number of folks as "one of the new 3eb web guys...",  next up, T hooked me and Sarah up with all-access passes and invited us to hand around for the aftershow.  We had the opportunity to have a meet and greet with Stephen, Tony, Brad, and Leo. Had it not been for the fact that it was a Sunday night, we would have stayed later than our 12:30 cut-off time.  

So, this is supposed to be a diabetes website. What does any of this have to do with diabetes?  Keep in mind this site is called LIVING With Diabetes.  In the time that has passed since last years diagnosis,  I've certainly done allot of living. Need proof?  Read more of my blog below. 

Diabetes diagnosis need not be an end.  I prefer to look at it as a beginning- the beginning of what time has shown to be the healthiest part of my life. So far.  ;-) 

Only four weeks till the 2008 Tour de Cure.  Only 6 weeks till Crank the Kank, my 21 mile hill climb. Been trekking 15-30 miles a day. Tis late. I'm tired. That's it for tonight.

I took a leap of faith a month ago.  When I started my journey to wellness, I also started journaling everything I ate. As my old ways of doing things proved ineffective, and much of what I read immediately after my diagnosis spoke of how effective food journaling was, I took it to heart and wrote... and wrote... and wrote some more.

With spiral binder in tow, I noted everything I ate, assigned a calorie count to it, and wrapped up every day with my calculator tabulating my tabular totals (say that 5 times fast..;-)

Ever the goal setter, I wanted to be able to stand on my own... (well, more like east on my one) by September of last year. September came and went and the thought of dropping the binder scared my.  Yeah, I know that sounds odd.  But the reality is this- I was diagnosed with a potentially life-threatening illness and was still driven, at least in part, by fear.

A little over a month ago, I made the decision to stop journaling my food.  I still weigh in every day and log my exercise.  I fully expect to do that for life. In truth, I don't mind.  I am now into Month Two without journaling and my weigh is unchanged.  Here is the critical point--- I am feeling like I have truly trained myself to "eat like a normal person." Again, this may sound weird, but the reality is that my diabetes was causes, at least in part, by my weight. I need to share that I feel empowered by this.  Amazingly so.

'Nuff said on food. In six weeks, I have my first competitive cycling event.  I probably noted it in an earlier post, but it's getting close.  An amazing 21 miles UP HILL to a  summit close to 3,000 feet. Do I have some fear?  You betcha. I've already asked my mom and dad to be at the finish line.  Just knowing this will drive me forward, I suspect.

Monday, Monday.. time to get to 'real work..."

Year Two. Amazing. It's been almost 15 months since I was diagnosed. I am going to try to include in my occasional blog posts more tips about living with diabetes.  Seems I've drifted over the last few months to posting about life.  Not a bad thing, mind you-- as I am able to live my life in a way i never dreamed possible.

I am getting tired of all the weight loss commercials I see on TV.  I was at my son's basketball game yesterday and it hit me... as I looked around the gym, most everyone there was.. well, lest I be accused of being politically incorrect-- most everyone there was hefty. I felt like a bit of a minority. (not that I minded...;-) 

I've got news for you. There is only one simple recipe to weight loss.  Yup. One simple fact that can change lives. If I burn more calories than I eat, I'll lose weight. Pretty simple concept. If my calorie count exceeds what I burn, I gain weight. Again- pretty simple concept.   

Today's Tip- When I head to my local market, I intentionally park in one of the further parking spaces. I can be a tad analytical, but here's some simple math. If I'm at the market 3x weekly (my current schedule) and I add a total of 100 steps per trip, I've added 15,600 steps a year. One Small Step for David, One Giant Step for Mankind. 

It's late (or early).

I DID IT. 

Yup, I just registered fro my first competitive cycling event of my life. On May 17, 2008, I'll "Crank the Kanc"...a 21 mile hill climb in the heart of the White Mountains.  I an excited and scared. Registration opened 15 minutes ago and there is a course limit of 200 cyclists. How could I not wait up for this?

My spot is reserved.  Fourteen months ago, in the turmoil following my diagnosis, never, ever, ever in my wildest dreams could I have envisioned this.  I'm seeing double with weariness.  Off to bed.

Oh, I was duly diligent... cycling 20 miles today.

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What a whirlwind two weeks it's been.  Last year, when I was diagnosed with diabetes, I thought my life as I knew it was over.  Time and circumstance has now shown this to be true. Gone are the days of trying to stuff myself into too small pants.  Gone is the Buddha Belly. Gone is the failing vision. Gone is the almost perpetual discomfort of being significantly overweight. 

The life presented to me post-diagnosis is beyond what I ever imagined. Don't get me wrong, it's been allot of work, but worth every mile that I've walked/cycled/hiked. Worth every time I passed on the chocolate cake. I have reinvented myself.  Funny thing- I've posted this before, but last year, with my 80 pound weight loss, I went through a "who the heck am I' period.  I see the new me in pictures and not recognize my face. I'd pass a mirror while walking through a store and not know who I was.  It was one of the most surreal experiences of my adult life. Knock knock. Who's there?  Beats the heck out of me.

Time has seen the tables turn. I have what I fondly cal a "fat pic" hanging on my fridge. It's a picture of the former hefty me sitting in a dining room in WDW. Taken when I was close to 250 lbs, I get the same feeling now when I look at my former self. Who was that guy? I suppose this is all part of my progression into wellness. Fourteen months ago, my life as I knew it ended. Man o' man, am OI glad it did.

The last two weeks have seen me on the road twice for 4 day get-aways. One with my honey to central Florida and the second trip with my 12 year old son to DC. 

While the memories are still fresh.... in the last two weeks, I have seen/experienced...

• Walking hand in hand barefoot with my honey on a sandy Florida beach for a couple hours just doin' nutin.
  
•  
•  

• Beholding the real Declaration of Independence, Constitution and our Bill of Rights. 
  

• Seeing live alligators in the wild.
  

• Watching live Bottlenose Dolphins breach the surface with light speed.

• Walking side by side with my son up the stairs in the Lincoln Memorial at nighttime. Such a place of reverence and awe!
  

• Seeing manatees eating their daily lunch of iceberg lettuce.

• Watching (another) live Third Eye Blind in Universal studios with a couple thousand of my closest friends, singing at the top of my lungs like no one was watching, and not caring if they did.

• Playing "wrestling" in a warm pool with my son for hours at a time until our skin was as wrinkled as an elder.
• Riding one of the Top 5 Roller Coasters in the world- Kraken... flipping upside down seven times and emerging from the seat covered in sweat from the adrenaline!

• Taking the elevator ride to the top of the Washington Monument- 555'5" high. Amazing!

• Touring the US Capital Building and Rotunda being in the same place where so much history has happened.

• Taking a "wicked fast" ride on an airboat through a Central Florida Swamp watching egrets, Bald Eagles and gators in the wild!

• Walking around World Showcase Lagoon at night with my sweetie.... hand in hand. 

All this life packed into a couple of short weeks. A little over a year ago, I thought my life as I knew it was over. It was. Am I grateful?  You Betcha!

Mary Jo died on Sunday.  I talked to her hubbie Leo tonight.  Next week for services in FL. April will see a local service here in NH. More tears. 

20 miles today. I gout caught in a bit of a snow squall. Like the locals say, "only in New England" as yesterday was a 15 miler in a light rain at a most delicious almost 60 degrees.

Getting back on track with the food. The last few days have seen me at 168-169.  Good weight, good food, nice riding.

Short post tonight. I am drained.

Been struggling with the food plan/weight for a couple weeks.  Funny thing.  I have been trying to figure out where to categorize my diabetes.

Am I cured? Is is gone? I heard a tem on the radio a couple weeks ago that hit home. "Diabetic  remission" was the phrase used. It rings true for me. My diabetes is asleep inside of me, yet it lurks, quietly waiting.

I had a small cut on my hand last week that took a little time to heal.  Funny thing. 1/8 inch of cut, 2 days of concern.  My weight was a comfortable 169 this AM, my last test came back at something like a 106. By all outward signs, I am well. By the cut brought me back emotionally to last year. It's since healed, but it was funny how fast I jumped to a diabetic conclusion. The reality is that sometimes folks get cuts.  Pretty simple.

My friend Mary Jo is losing her battle with cancer, in fact, she may have passed yesterday. What a lesson in courage as cancer took her away bit by bit over the last few years.

I rode a 20 miler yesterday, much of it in tears.  Reminiscent of the rides after Chris died last year, it hit me that I've done allot of mourning whilst I cycle. It's probably a healthy outlet.

Similar to the window of pain after Chris died, yesterday found me with a level of awareness not my own.

Revealed to me....

       Soon to be Released… she is.

       She stepped across the line,
        Souls, they gathered in glorious anticipation,
        Of her coming home.
        Awaiting the glory of reunion.

        Wait, I'm not done.
        I'm tired and weary,
        But n'er expected this day to come
        So fast, so soon.
        Soon to be released

        He took her hand,
        Together they crossed,
        Rest now, from all you've done.
        Soon to be released.

       We are all soon to be released.

I came home from my ride and penned this in about 10 minutes. I will miss her.

It's so weird to think that I am now comfortably into Year Two since my diagnosis.  I've struggled over the last few days as I go through times where I just don't want to play the diabetic game any longer. It's been three weeks since I tested.... and today came back at a pretty OK 113. I ran out of strips and was in no rush to refill as I have to pay for them.  Sadly, I don't have the luxury of living in Nederland.  

I had a bit of "I want to stamp my feet and not play" on a trip home from my parents house on Wednesday.  It was well past lunchtime... and we were on a stretch of road with not much of anything for 30 miles.  We stopped at a Dunkins, Sarah got a really nice flatbread sandwich, whilst I simply started at the menu board, filled with self-pity that there were no healthy choices.  At leasst at a McDonald's, I have the option of a salad.  Not so here. I sulked most of the way home.. hungry, emotionally tired from a Wake, and hungry. This seems to have set the tone for a couple days. This too shall pass.  

I am pretty optimistic by nature... and  a down day or two is any good mans luxury.

One word.

WOW.

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21.3 miles today. My ride took me through a Robert Frost wonderland that included snow-covered rolling farmland, rock walls defining long-gone pastures and cows grazing on meager sprouts poking through the snow.

Thank God for chemical hand/foot warmers as I was toasty. Folks passing by in heaters autos cast sideways glances at the oddly timed cyclist, with nary the knowledge that I was probably warmed than they were.

Time marches on.  RIP Paul Dorian.

D~

Just got back from the movies.  Only half a popcorn-- no candy. It gets easier. 

I ran out of text strips last week.  Not sure if I've shared this, but I have a catastrophic health plan.  My yearly deductible is $5,000.00. That being said, all of my care expenses this year have been out-of-pocket. Strips are EXPENSIVE and I've not had a reading over 115 in over 6 months.  Of course, I'll bite the bullet for more strips.. but it's still nice to dream non-diabetic dreams.

13.4 miles today. Biking... in January... in New Hampshire.  

I just got back from a 13 miler. I still find it odd to bike in January in New Hampshire. The last few days has found me wrapping myself up on a cloak of sadness. Suffice to say, the winter blues suck. It was nice to be out spinning my wheels today.  Really nice. Wintery landscapes sliding by, rivers running black through monochromatic snowscapes. Such is the outdoor world in January. 

If you'd asked me last fall if I'd still be biking in January, I would have simply chuckled. Who's laughing now?

In the spirit of trying to remain positive, here is Today's Bright Spot:

How nice to bike at 28 degrees! At 28 degrees, the streets stay DRY as the snow sits listlessly by the wayside.

Well, it's been a week of extremes.

We hit over 60 degrees mid-week. Simply put, how can you not ride when it's like that?  We have three back to back warm days. I did three back to back 20+ mile rides.  Surrealism reigns supreme.  Biking in shorts along RT 111, I looked to my right and watched snowmobiles whiz by.  I must have looked odd... not biking mind you, but laughing.

       Click the Enlarge

This last week has found me struggling again bit time with the weight loss. Funny thing, when I was Big Dave (a nickname used by many folks I knew) I always longed to not be fat.  Let's face it, 250 pound, 5'10" is not a small build.

With the total weigh loss being approximately 80 pounds, my appearance has changed dramatically. I made the comment to my honey that I would be glad when I finally saw everyone I know-so I could stop answering the constant questions. I've written about this before, but this part of my tale bears retelling.  I can now walk right past someone I know who hasn't seen me in a while and they have NO IDEA who I am.  It used to be funny.  It's not anymore.

I went for a couple of months without seeing anyone that I hadn't seen for a while.  Seems that I know more people than I realize. I need to be honest, the last few weeks have been tough.  In the last few weeks, I've had a family member I hadn't seen in a year take a look at me and laugh, and laugh, and laugh.... hysterically. Calling me 'scrawny', this insensitive young man of 17 had no idea he his a nerve that went from my ears directly to my soul. We can add to this mix a well-intentioned friend who asked if I had cancer.  "It was the hat." he said, that made him wonder. (yeah, right...).  As the steamroller continued it's 2 week run, I ran into a buddy I hadn't seen in a year. He came up to me and introduced himself to me.  I went along with what I though was a joke... but the joke was on me. He had no idea who I was.  Tired of answering questions, I introduced myself too him, and promptly walked away. There was yet another similar event. My doc says I am healthy.  My honey suggested I work out to build up some bulk.. and I am left with a spinning head. 

Yes, the diabetes is gone.  My last test last week came it at a healthy 106. I can bike 25 miles and barely break a sweat, and I am unquestionably in the best physical shape of my life. But I am changed. Life has changed. I can feel both empowered and diminished at the same time. I can be thrilled with my new life and mourn my past like in two ticks of a clock. I am changed.

"I keep on forgetting myself, I keep on forgetting myself. Who am I? We both don't know" 3eb

And what a week it's been. In no particular order...

# An amazing sunrise greeted me this morning.  The sky was an amazing blend of pinks, oranges, blues.  I took some extra time and took the long way home after dropping the kids off at school. Like life itself, colorful sunrises are both magnificent as well as fleeting. 

# Wednesday was the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. What a year it's been.  The day can best be described as one of gratitude.  My doc let me know all is well after last weeks scare. I was actually able to roll out on several 10+ mile bike rides in the last week. Life = good.

# Yesterday saw me biking 10 miles at 8 degrees.  Passionate or crazy?  I'll let you decide.  I was actually quite comfortable.  I dress for success.  Lots of layers and chemical glove warmers. Yeah, that's the ticket.

# I was in DC for several days with my sweetie over the last few days. We did all of the typical tourist stuff.... White House, Smithsonian Museums, Lincoln Memorial and the like. I think allot these days. In fact, more than I used to. Every American should be required to visit DC at least once. 

# I am no longer an undecided NH voter. My choice is my choice, but rest assured I will be voting next week. Iowa caucused last night. Though it was a record breaking turnout, 75% of all eligible Democrats elected NOT  to participate.  In excess of 80% or Republicans made the same choice. Is it just me, or is that not pathetic? People have fought and dies so we as Americans can vote, yet most Americans view voting as a spectator sport.  These forks are probably the most outspoken complainers as well. By voting next Tuesday, I exercise a right that most people in the world don't have- I can participate in a Democracy.

# I am now in year two as a diabetic. With the colder weather and frequent snowfalls, I have had to walk many nights as biking simply isn't practical. It's during these walks that I realize how fare I've come.  Last winter found me walking as an overweight man... huffing and puffing at every turn.  This winter finds me in the best physical shape of my life, marveling at the changes.  I have hit my stride in ongoing weight management very rarely deviating from my target range of 165-170. I am still shocked at wearing 32's. Go figure. 

Sometimes I'm not sure where to 'place' my diabetes. My doc congratulated me for 'beating it", while just today, my CDE called it "well-controlled". I guess it's not as clear cut as being pregnant.

I had a few metric tons of fear dropped me.  Next week will find me celebrating my one year "dia-birthday." January 2nd to be exact.  So, why the fear? Yesterday AM found me passing out and hitting the floor like a rock.  Passing out is such an odd sensation.

"Hey, watch out, the floor is coming at you fast!" 

Not even a slo-mo, clocks ticking at half speed event. I watched through eyes fading as the floor rushed up at me. Surrealistic? You bet. Like falling off a truck, I went down hard. Who's that a-falling? My oh my, it's me! The short version today as verbosity has left the building- I have an appointment with my doc tomorrow.

The pendulum, it swings.  All aboard, matey as this ship is rocking. 

"And I'd know what to do if I just knew what's coming"  3eb

First cardio in a week.  Yes, I've been walking most every day, but today's balmy 40 degrees simply demanded a ride.  15+ miles of pure, unadulterated cycling bliss.

Nice to jump off the retail bandwagon and onto a saddle.

Yesterday found me at a holiday get together with my mom an dad.  I ate like Fat David.  Damage control today.

Next random thought...

My dia-birthday is at the end of next week.  One year since my diagnosis. Not sure how I feel. Suffice to say, it's been a year of years.

Next random thought...

I've been a-retailing. Tra la la la, la la la. For the most part, I am pretty much used to the new me.  My "healthy zone" is 165-170 lbs these days. I need to be as careful about going too low as I do going too high. Funny thing- I really don't see much of myself. Sure, I get up, hop in my shower, shave, etc. The last week, I've been struggling with the "who am I" syndrome again.  I've seen my reflection in store mirrors, plate glass windows, and the like- more than I have in months. I know most folks would be thrilled to be down 80+ pounds, but it's still quite surrealistic.  I was at my local bookstore this AM.  A clerk who used to be the barrister now worked in the book side of Barnes and Noble.  I asked him about a particular title and offered a Merry Christmas to him.  I swear, he had no idea who I was.

"who am I? We both don't know...."  3eb

Light rain and four miles. Walking in the cold, treading upon ice covered roads. Dark. 

Winter tests my determination. Not one ever fond of the cold, I count the days until the warmth returns. Misplaced at birth, the cold and dark of New England winters are not my friends. They are Constant Companions, ever reminding me of their presence.

In a pointless effort to brush the water off my coat, I discovered I was ice-encrusted. The light rain falling had frozen in a fine layer, encasing me in its frigid grip. Passing houses lit with Christmas lights shouting of a holiday cheer that escaped me, I watched in fascination as the light reflected off my ice armor. Prismatic reflections and sparkles. Like wearing a starlit sky, I trekked onward. Shimmering shafts of light catching my eye at every turn.

Mindful of the stars above the overcast, I traveled through time and space. We all do, you know. Most don't give thought to the concept that from the passing of one breath to another, we are time travelers. Life repeats. Patterns repeat. We repeat. Millions of miles away, stars shimmered. Walking through my winter landscape, I shimmered. We repeat. Billions of years ago, all the matter that is came into being. Many decades ago, the matter that is me came into being. Convergence of energy, time, space and circumstance. We repeat. Like tall and dark sentinels, the pine trees that lined may route came to be. Matter repeats. Matter from past souls, intertwined by the Constant Creator could well be within their branches. There will come a time that all that I am will come to pass. No morbid walk down Melancholy Lane. Simply a truism. In a hundred years, will someone pass the same paths I did tonight, stare skyward and contemplate their own place in the Universal Reality? Will the matter that defines me today be part of the landscape pondered by One Not Yet Born? I can only hope.

I have been given the Gift of a New Life. All has changed. I have changed. 

Life repeats.

Disney, Holiday and a Tale of Two Walks....

Late yesterday, Nick and I landed at Manchester after four days of fun and sun. Disney was as fun as ever with sunny 80+ degree weather.  Realistically, how can you not enjoy Disney?

I've become a bit of an exercise junkie.. and am always planning my next ride/walk/hike, etc, etc.  Knowing I would be home after dark yesterday, I split a four mike walk into (2) tow milers.

Walk one was in Orlando.  Sunny, 75 degrees, 730AM, walking under palm trees, listening to the wind in the palms, watching a couple of hot air balloons drift on the horizon. Shorts and a Disney tee. Who could ask for more?

Enter walk two. 6:30PM, back here in NH, pitch dark, multiple layers of clothes to keep the frostbite at bay, and ice under my feet.

My life at times is a bit too surrealistic. Such was the case yesterday. Four miles, two climate zones, and a 50 degree temperature drop.

Guess which walk I liked more?

Guess again.

I am NOT a cold lover. But last nights walk let me know that I was truly committed to staying well. You see, it's one thing to walk when it's easy. It's an entirely different ballgame to walk when it's harder. It was a tangible, in my face reminder of how far I've come.  Life is good.

Onward... next topic....

I need to share that I ate like a pig in Disney.  Yes, I had Caesar Salads for lunch when I could, sure, I had soup on occasion.... but I enjoyed the hell out of a couple Mickey's Premium Bars, chocolate covered peanuts, a fair share of candy and sweets, add a dash or tow of fudge- and I felt like Willie Wonka. 

I am learning.

I am learning that it is OK to splurge a bit on vacation... as long as it doesn't lead to a lapse of my commitment.

I am learning....

That life not need be rigid and inflexible.  Sure, there is black and white. But there is also gray.

So, tonight found me walking for four miles in the cold and dark on icy roads. I was bundled up, my MP3 player churning out 3Eb.... and like the Elves in a good Tolkien tale, I walked in twilight, my body here in NH... but my spirit soared under a warm trade wind and the echo's of yesterday's palms soothed my soul.

Well, we had our first significant snowfall of the year yesterday. While many folks looked out their windows in wonder at the season's first snow, I battled with a bit of dread. My daily cycling has become such a part of stating well, the thought of winter caused more than a bit of dread.  Sure, I can go back to my daily/nightly walks like last winter, but there is just something more fun about spinning along at 18MPH.  Yesterday found me with no exercise to log.  Yes, fear can still creep in.  I well know that it was not laziness or sloth that kept me in.  It was SNOW.  Still, the dread hung ominously over me.

Today.   11.3 miles.  Biking on the dry stretches of road.. being ever mindful of the ice.  Ya know what? It was a blast.  Both my MP3 players died last week, so I got to listen to the sounds of the wind, the rustle of the last few oak leaves clinging to the Bastions of Fall, while a wintery landscape passed by. At 22 degrees, I know know that as long as the roads permit, I can ride this winter. Three words.  Am I crazy?

WOW.  Almost a year since my diagnosis. What a year it's been. From the absolute mortal terror when I was first diagnosed to the AMAZING life I have today. Whoever would have thought I would be where I am today! Amazing. 

"what a long, strange trip it's been"  -Jerry Garcia

Random thoughts....

I have a cold and tested this AM.  I was a 110. Funny thing- I wasn't happy.  Don't get me wrong.  I have a couple of friends with diabetes who would kill for a 110.  I trend for the upper 90's, lower 100's when all is well, so it's a bit high for me. I am attributing it to being sick. In August when Christopher died, I ran high for over a month. Stress, illness can effect my bottom line. Welcome to my new reality.

Next random thought-- cold weather biking. The last couple of days found me pounding out back-to-back 20 milers. I was out of town last weekend and found that I have a tough time sticking to a healthy meal plan when traveling. Yesterday found me biking under ominous gray November clouds that seemed to be taunting me that winter is coming fast. With temps in the 30's during my ride, and plenty of time on my hands, I did what I do best- I thought. And thought. And thought some more. It won't be long until I need to HEAT my water bottle before a ride to keep it from freezing. How's that for funny? I churned up a fresh batch of Crystal Lite lemonade before my ride.  My water bottle started at room temperature and by the time I finished my ride, it was icy cold. Yes, I laughed at that one.  I even pondered. Yup. Pondered- wondering whether a Thermos of hot coffee would fit in my drink holder. It's mid-November and I'm still out spinning my wheels, so we'll see how long this run can last. 

Next up-- Thanksgiving is next week. As I learn more about how food has contributed to my diabetes, I am painfully away of what I now thing of as 'food holidays'. We can start with Easter with its abundance of chocolate.... How about Halloween with candy excesses? Thanksgiving is one of the holidays that simply screams of excess. Thank God for the Day at a Time life I live. Today is Tuesday. Thanksgiving is a week from Thursday.  I'll just take care of today. Life dark clouds on the horizon, and the sound of distant thunder, I am aware that it's coming.

I am feeling verbose today.  ;-0

By the numbers:

10 - It was 10 months ago tomorrow that I Googled my symptoms and found out I was diabetic. 

3500+  How many miles I have biked year to date

4100+  How many Americans were diagnosed with diabetes TODAY.

2 - How many feet I still have.  Not all diabetics are as lucky.

175,000 - How many calories I have burned biking this year. (wow)

Long day today. Funny thing.  I am a bit blindsided by Halloween this year.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE chocolates and treats.  Yes, I was careful today... but who can resist a Kit Kat or two? This day has left me a bit exhausted. Such is life. I still worry about the 'food holidays". Thanksgiving is on the horizon.  Thank God I am getting better at this 'day at a time' stuff. I'l just focus on my feet and let tomorrow, next week, next month take care of itself.

On a positive note, I  am back at it.. adding new entries to my online meditation book. Man o man, it feels good to be writing again.

Like the wind, I vacillate between being happy that I have a new life to live, and amazingly, still missing the ability to live with about as much reckless abandon as I am capable of these days. Worth noting, my definition of reckless abandon had changed.  These days, it's best described as a Big Mac and large fries. Speaking of which, last week found me on a road trip from Ohio back to NH.  Fourteen hours in the car, with not the healthiest of choices for food, and way, way too much time in an inactive state left me a bit road weary and vulnerable to bad choices. I sat down somewhere in New York State at a McDonalds and couldn't bring myself to order yet another Grilled Chicken Salad- so I went for the Big Mac and fries.  To the credit of McDonalds, they now put nutritional information on most all packaging. Half way through my Big Mac, I flipped over the box and saw the 580 (??) calories and the huge fat content. I have a bit of a new trick now. Without giving it a second thought, in under a 2 count, I walked over to the mc-trash can and deposited the second half of my sandwich. With under 300 calories of damage, it was the best thing to do. Funny thing- and I think I've said it before-- the 'fat guy' is still alive and kicking inside of me. 

Nice hiking in Western Maine with my Sweetie over the weekend. We took a trip up to Evans Notch, I donned the day pack, and we hiked out a few miles into the woods, had a nice picnic lunch and header back. Another experience that I would not have had had it not been for diabetes.

Last week found me out of town for a few days. I have again found that the 'fat guy' inside of me is still alive and well.  Keeping my diabetes in check requires me to 110% to my daily exercise and keeping my weight in my target range. I've found that the 165-170lb range is my 'new normal'.  I fell a bit off the healthy food diet and jumped up 4 lbs in 5 days- and out of my target range.  Diabetes (or maybe just me) has an odd mental twist as i was hit by a wave of fear when I crept over my target weight.   Monday - Wednesday found me pushing 25 miles a day biking to get back 'into the OK zone".  I am back at a comfortable 169, but oddly, I still feel shaken. Yes, as much as I can try to convince myself that I am a former diabetic, the reality hit home this week that my life is forever changed.

Fall is here. I'll be taking my daily cycle ride in a few moments.  At a chilly 44 degrees, summer is fading fast. This past week I turned 46.  This may sound crazy, but when I was first diagnosed with diabetes, I wondered how I would handle "food holidays" like Thanksgiving, Easter, my birthday.  Crazy?  Living 'a day at a time' certainly helps as I only need to focus on what's immediately in front of me.  I'll let next week, next month, next year.. take care of themselves. Yes, I had my cake and ate it too! I am a sucker for chocolate cake. As my weigh is under control, and my weekly testing coming in around a smooth 100 mg/dL, I allowed myself the luxury of a bit of extra cake.  Again, this may small like small potatoes to many, but it helps me to realize that I can still live a normal life-- even with diabetes.  Pretty amazing.  OK, off to go shiver for 15-20 miles.

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Week three since Chris died.

I have no recall of week one. Adult amnesia is a trip. Week tow was almost as much of a blur. I am worried about my kids. Normal for any parent. There is so much pain in the air. 

Two weeks ago, I had to run. As managing my diet is one of the largest parts of my ongoing diabetes management, I learned a few things along the way. I can still 'eat like fat David". I took my 12 year old up to the mountains for three days and put on 4 pounds in the process. Simply put, I didn't care. This is the 1st time since my diagnosis that I let myself go.  Ya know what?  It's OK.  I still rode 15+ miles a day and have learned that being rigid and inflexible is not how I want to live my life.  I came home, assessed the extra poundage, dropped calories a bit for a few days and was back at 168 by the end of the week. I don't drink, I don't smoke, in fact I don't do anything to excess these days ('cept maybe biking) so a couple of 'east my stress away days" are not going to kill me.

I wish this was all a bad dream I could wake up from.  RIP Chris.

And so it ended....

Over 1,000 friends and family paid tribute to Chris Macy.  If he only knew how loved he was by so many. Details of last Friday will remain with me forever. All of us touch by the events of last week are changed forever.

I struggled as I now know that I have used excessive eating as to seek solace from pain in the past. Last week found me pushing the limits of what was acceptable.  I stayed true to my daily exercise, and was MUCH relieved when this AM's blood test came back at a quite acceptable 100. My son continues to suffer. We all suffer. School starts next week and I am glad for both the distraction and structure it will bring to the kids. 

Funny thing-- my 100 mile ride was a little over a week ago, and I'm not planning my next one. I am feeling pretty healthy these days.

Things I've learned this week:

• You can't outrun grief on a bike, no matter how many miles you ride.
• It is painful to watch children grieve for the loss of one of their own.
• Sometimes life is unfair in the hand that it deals. 
• Time may be the healer of pain, but there are times that an hour can feel like a week. 

Later today, my family and I will be attending the wake and memorial service for Chris Macy. There's really not much more to say except this: I hope he is truly in a better place- and that his soul is contented. 

In Memoriam

Christopher Macy 1992-2007

With his infectious smile, Chris brought more joy and and happiness to people than he ever knew. Well known for his generous hugs, Chris was type of kid you wanted your kids to hand around with. He was also my 14 year old son's best friend.

They went from playing on the same playground together to playing in the same band. Like my son, he seemed to be walking through that difficult transition from childhood to adulthood with as much grace as he could muster.

The events of yesterday are numbing.

The call came late yesterday that Chris took his own life. A shining star was lost yesterday. I anguish over the pain my son is walking through and curse Fate for being so cruel. Chris would have started High School in two weeks. In a vain effort to outrun the pain, my 6:30 AM 16 mile ride offered no solace. The next few days are going to be immensely difficult. Job One is helping my sons. 

Chris, we are really gonna miss you, man.  

Three words.

I DID IT.

Yesterday dawned crisp and clear- and I was ready.  Ready for my 1st 100+ mile ride. My bike was tuned as was I.  I know now that a big part of the long distance endurance game resides not in the body, but in the mind. 

I dragged my youngest son out of bed at 7:30 with the smell of waffles cooking. As his mom lives around the corner, we headed out on our bikes at 8:00AM. He rode the trip to his mom's in relative comfort while my mind raced to the day ahead. After a quick goodbye, I headed North. 

My trek started in Salem, NH at 8:05AM and ended a 2:55PM in the foothills of the White Mountains just south of Conway, NH.

As it's late and I am tired, the abbreviated version will be the best I can post tonight. I found out relatively quickly, that by focusing on the finish 100 miles away, i was quickly overcome by the enormity of my endeavor. That being said, my day was defined by many, many (many) small rides. The sum total being 100.13 miles. 

I took a ride from Salem to Kingston. Following that ride, I rode from Kingston to Epping.  My next leg was Epping to Rochester. From Rochester, I headed up to Wakefield. Then on to Ossipee and finally on to my destination- Freedom NH. 

To describe the emotion tied to the day would be lose to pointless. A wellspring of emotions defined the day... with passing miles and ever-changing landscapes redefining my day. Rest breaks were common every 20 miles or so.... and God put a well-equipped gas station in my path every time I needed a pit stop of my own. 

I had the occasion to give directions to a couple of elderly ladies in Rochester and was stared at repeatedly over the course of the day as I stopped into a few stores to replenish my water supply.  Still donning my helmet, cycling glasses and ..yes, spandex, I do believe I stood out a bit on the crowds!

By the numbers:

• 100.13 miles
• Start time: 8:05AM
• Finish Time: 2:55PM
• Average Speed: 16.5
• Maximum Speed: 40.0 MPH (down Wakefield Hill)

This morning I woke refreshed and comfortable.. in fact, I took a quick 10 mile spin to prove it.  More to follow in the AM as bed calls.

I am feeling empowered.  Having come so far, I was amazed at how humbled I was by my experience. The road, the miles, the persistence needed--are all greater that I have-yet I persevered.  More later.

"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."
           ~Tommy Lasorda

Seems that God has a sense of humor.  With my Hundred Mile Ride scheduled for Saturday, the weather may (or may not) cooperate.  Time will tell.

A bit of a roller coaster this week.  My goals for my blood testing are pretty, well, healthy.  Anything under 120 is considered quite healthy.  The last few months, I average 95-105 or so.  Monday this week found me at 116.  Funny thing-- I freaked. I tested again Tuesday AM and was at a comfortable 93.  I still carry allot of fear over this. Sometimes I wonder whether I race forward to stay ahead of the fear.

More ponderings by the Endless Ponderer.

My biggest single phobia is snakes. As Indiana Jones said, "snakes, why did it have to be snakes."

In my 1,500 plus miles on my bike, I have had one fatality.  Three weeks ago, a squirrel committed suicide under my spinning tires. He sat quietly by the side of the road awaiting the approach of the next wheeled vehicle. Sadly, it was me on my bike. I don't want to get into the gory details, but I never though road-kill from a bike was a remote possibility.

Today found me spinning my wheels at 25MPH or so. Moving to the left of what I perceived to be a piece of rope or wire, wasn't I surprised to see it strike out at my ankle as I passed. Yes, it was a snake in the road.  And yes, I yelled audibly. My hands are shaking at the very thought of it. As I am heading to bed soon, I need to get off this topic.

3 Days till the Big Ride.

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Sunday Am and I've already got a 15 mile ride behind me.  Life is good. When I got back on a bike this spring, I set a lofty goal of taking the 100+ mile to my folks house by August of 2008. 

Three words....

Plans have changed.

If all goes well, and Mother Nature cooperates, I'll be taking the trek next Saturday. As i spun my wheels today, my mind made 'ride plans'... what I would take for the trip, the route I would take, etc, etc. 

When I was 14 years old, I completed the same 100 miler on an old Schwinn Varsity 10 Speed.  A 46 pound behemoth of a bike, the trip started at 6:25AM and found me up North at 3:15 in the afternoon. Approximately 103 miles in 9.5 hours. Who ever would have thought that I would even be contemplating the same trip at 45 years old. My goal is to beat at 45 years old the time that I did at 14 years old.  Actually, maybe I should strive to just complete the ride  ;-) 

UPDATE-- My ride computer keeps track of total miles to date.  Yesterday I crossed the 1,500 mile mark. Unbelievable.

I need to share that I have a bit of angst at the mere thought of biking from southern NH up to the foothills of the White Mountains in single day. I suppose anxiety is normal. 

On a serious note, yesterday found me at my local garden center. As a 'regular' there, I am recognized when I stop by. In speaking with one of the owners, the subject of diabetes came up. The owner shared that she had lost her mom to complications from diabetes a few month ago. She went on, in quite graphic detail, about the physical challenges she had... blindness, heart problems and more. According to the ADA, close to 60% of folks can keep their diabetes in remission with diet and exercise alone.  Man o' man, am I grateful that I am in the 60% category. I will be forever grateful for this.

I was just thinking how odd it sound to say to someone, "I was out earlier today for an easy 20 mile bike ride." Sure, this sounds normal to me, but I suspect there are more than a couple of folks to whom this may sound bizarre. 

'Nuff said on that. The seven month anniversary of my diagnosis is fast approaching. As I was taking my easy 20 miler this morning, I did allot of thinking.  Sometimes I ride, wind in my face, enjoying the joy and freedom of the ride.  Other times I think. And think.  And think some more.

Today I thought.

Life has changed. Mostly for the good, but it has changed.  The freedom of living to excess without though o